The other day I heard Mark Kelly, the Astronaut husband of Arizona Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, was choosing to go forward with his upcoming space mission for NASA in April, leaving his wife to continue her rehabilitation from a January gunshot wound to her brain. While I understand it's his business, as well as their business, deciding whether to go forward on a mission or stay at his wife's side, I can't help but offer my two cents on a private matter that's become very public.
Sir, you're making a bad judgment. You really should stay by your wife's side and forego your mission. Yes, I understand, work is work... but love is love, and you're dealing with a still evolving situation regarding your wife's health and recovery. Yes, I know this is what she'd want you to do, and she fully supports your career, and vice versa... but this is your wife, sans a good portion of her skull because a bullet went through her brain. Yes, I understand, her mother will be there to support and serve as her health proxy... but you're her husband, and if anything, heaven forbid, goes wrong while you're in space, you'll have to live with your decision to choose duty over DUTY.
Perhaps the time you're away will not matter and your wife will continue her progress and recovery, and maybe keeping tabs on her via Skype and internet will be positive for her. However, there's always the possibility something could turn for the worse, or she could experience another setback, or she could suddenly suffer an emotional breakdown because the man who should be at her side is millions of miles away when she needs you holding her hand most.
Why do I say these things? Because I've been there myself. I know what it's like to be in a hospital or rehabilitative facility after traumatic surgery and not have my spouse there at my side. I know what it's like to suffer a post-operative complication, requiring another trip to the operating room, and my ex-wife was thousands of miles away on a business trip unaware of what was going on. I know what it's like to not have your own family members or closest friends physically there at your side when something goes wrong, being all alone in a hospital bed with no support system whatsoever.
Yeah, yeah... people are busy. People have lives. People have jobs. People have vacations. People have other obligations. A person lying in a hospital bed with tubes coming in and out of him or her doesn't understand how pressing everything else is at that moment. That person only understands "I'm in crisis, and where the hell are my loved ones?"
I never fully recovered from my surgical ordeal, neither physically nor emotionally. I never forgave my ex-wife for deciding a business trip to France was more important than being there for her husband. For nine days I was out of communication with her, because seven time zones away was too difficult for her to coordinate for cell phone discussions. My surgeons had to track her down in a Paris airport to let her know I was headed back into surgery for a staph infection. My spouse was my entire family. My only blood relatives were wither living or on vacation in Florida. Even my closest friends were tied up with work, vacations or simply being too far away. I went through the majority of my ordeal all alone. I've hated my ex-wife every day since, even before we divorced. I've disowned my relatives. I no longer trust my own friends the way I used to... sadly, my friends are among the readers of this column and have to hear how I feel through it.
So, Commander Kelly, maybe it'll all work out for the better, but in case it doesn't, don't say someone didn't warn you. Hopefully you'll have the wisdom to change your mind if Congresswoman Giffords' health is iffy a month from now. A lot of things can happen for better or worse in 4-6 weeks. I hope you've given yourself a contingency plan in case it's better you be on Earth than space. If NASA has a problem with it, NASA should be ashamed of itself. After all, we are talking about a bullet passing through your wife's brain, not a broken leg or burst appendix.
If you do go out to space, don't be surprised if your wife's emotions towards you become unsteady. You can talk about how important career and obligation are, but you're still leaving your spouse at a time when she's still vulnerable in many ways. Even if she continues to make great strides in her physical recovery, there's still a lot of emotional healing that may get delayed while you're not there.
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