I think I’m more than entitled to love sports and be confounded by sports as well. Like most sports fans, I’m sure, there are certain sports I gravitate to and enjoy and others not as much. For the most part I’m a football and baseball guy, although I can get into hockey, basketball and tennis.
One sport I don’t really “get” is soccer. One of my good friends and loyal readers, Joe from Connecticut, asked me after last week’s column, “What? No World Cup Football?” Well, no, since I’m not really into soccer or the World Cup, and certainly no authority on soccer, I didn’t include it.
Don’t get me wrong. I think soccer’s a wonderful sport around the world and I’m thrilled for those who love it and enjoy the World Cup games, but I don’t connect much with it. In a way, being a football guy, it’s a shame, because if it weren’t for soccer players, placekicking in the NFL would never be revolutionized during the 1960s with the Gogolak brothers, Jan Stenerud, and Garo Yepremian. Then again, it’s kickers like Garo Yepremian that make football guys like me cringe and chuckle – remember his days with the Detroit Lions when he was alleged by Alex Karras to say “I keek a touchdown”? Or when he almost sabotaged Super Bowl VII for Don Shula’s Miami Dolphins when he turned a blocked field goal into a Keystone Cops routine and let the Redskins back in the game?
I enjoy watching kids play soccer in parks. I enjoyed attending boys and girls soccer matches back in the days when I was a high school teacher and football coach. But I just have trouble getting excited for professional soccer matches or the World Cup. Part of the problem is all these matches seem to end in draws, and a draw in soccer tends to be scoreless. In fact, FIFA can’t even bring itself to call it a tie like we do in the NFL, MLB, NHL, NBA, or NCAA. Think about it – a draw is equivalent to a stalemate. Stalemate… that sounds so military, like the outcome of the Korean War.
Never mind the refs who can’t make correct calls on the field and disallow goals scored (as if these goals weren’t hard enough to come by), these guys are the ONLY ones who seem to know exactly how much time is left in a match. This is VERY confusing to me. When the US beat Algeria yesterday, Landon Donovan scored the winning goal at the 91st minute, so I assume this was part of “extra time”, but they still kept playing the game. Isn’t “extra time” the same idea as overtime? I mean, it certainly ain’t extra innings or the fifth set of a tennis match (more on that later). I feel like the refs are keeping a deep dark secret to play a mean trick on players and fans.
Another close friend and loyal reader, Mark from Montclair, tells me “some mystery is good in soccer”. Mystery? This isn’t Sherlock Holmes; it’s a sporting event. And I feel like the refs are playing the role of Carnac from the old Johnny Carson Show.
You know what this really reminds me of, all those nauseating visits I had to make to my in-laws while I was married. They went on and on and on, but only I knew when it was time to bid adieu…
Gee, guys, look at the time. We really need to get going because we have a lot of stuff to take care of around the house. Yes, I appreciate chronic hemorrhoids can be fatal, Carole, but I’m sure your doctor knows what he’s doing. You really don’t need a bedside vigil yet. Yes, we care about you, and I know I’ll be thinking about you when I get home and take a couple of Xanax with beer. Yes, thanks again for your hospitality. Yes, time to go. Feel better. Yes, we’ll be home in 20 minutes, so you can call Beth and talk some more. Yes, bye. Be well (oy gevault…).
I promise to return to more thoughts on the World Cup, but speaking of interminable, how about that first round Wimbledon match between American John Isner and Nicolas Mahut of France? Talk about a match for the ages, primarily because we all AGED while this thing went on and on and on. 70-68, Isner in the fifth set. The longest match, in games and time, in history. The most individual and combined aces served in a match. The most everything in the match, including ridiculous. And I like tennis!
You all know my views on overtime in football, so none of you should be shocked at what I’m about to say. I have no problem with playing out the fifth set of a tennis match until someone wins by two games, but this really should be reserved for the men’s finals. Period. Exclamation point. Just like the NFL has ruined a good thing by adding regular season overtime since 1974, Wimbledon has now spoiled the fifth set for all of us with this insanity during a first round match. A FIRST ROUND MATCH. Is it really necessary to put Isner and Mahut through all this just to get to the second round? Does anyone realize there are already players moving onto the THIRD ROUND while Isner and Mahut played their match over three days?
What would’ve happened if darkness came tonight in London and Isner and Mahut were still playing, perhaps knotted at 100-100? When do you draw the line and pull the plug on this marathon? When the first fortnight ends and everyone shuts down on Sunday?
And what were Wimbledon officials thinking by not moving this match to one of the lighted courts after Tuesday? Didn’t anyone have the foresight to envision things going beyond Wednesday? Neither player was losing serve. In fact, it wasn’t until the final game that anyone lost serve for who can remember. These guys were acing each other at a record pace. It was the baseball equivalent of Nolan Ryan pitching against his clone.
I admit, after a while it was fun to watch this match go on forever, but we need some mechanism for practicality. Could you imagine Wimbledon needing to extend the men’s play past the MLB All-Star Game because these guys are still playing game 1,000 of the fifth set? Don’t laugh; I honestly started wondering this scenario.
I think Wimbledon really should have some type of tiebreaker mechanism for the fifth set of early-round matches. If you don’t want the same type of tiebreaker used in the first four sets, then play to a certain point and then employ some type of “shoot-out” equivalent. Maybe have each player switch to one hand of poker or blackjack. Or maybe have them thumb wrestle. Or maybe have them guess a number between 1 and 1,000. Or maybe guess the number of dresses Queen Elizabeth owns. Or the circumference of Prince Charles’ ears. But don’t make these poor sods play 138 games before someone finally loses serve.
Speaking of poor sods, didn’t you start to envision Isner and Mahut playing to the death like the knight losing limb by limb in Monty Python and the Holy Grail? That crossed my mind last night while watching highlights of Part Deux of this odyssey.
But it was great tennis, nonetheless. After a match like this I don’t know how Isner sustains himself for the next round and beyond, and I’d hate to see later matches go long distance because you know the Isner-Mahut match will be the standard to compare with.
This leads me to one final criticism of the All-England tennis Club. Who in Heaven’s name was that official with the microphone turning the culmination of the match into a mini-circus? Yes, I thought it was nice to commemorate the historic match, but it seemed a tad overkill not to mention unfair to Mahut who looked like he really just wanted to drown himself in a whirlpool bath in the training room. Perhaps the point where this official should’ve stopped yakking was when he asked Mahut about the pressure he might’ve felt having to serve 65 times from behind during the fifth set. If you watched this exchange on ESPN take place like I did you really had to wonder how any athlete could or should bother answering moments after losing a contest.
Official - Tell me Nicolas, did you feel the pressure of having to serve 65 times from behind during that final set?
Mahut – Well, the first 64 weren’t so hard, but the last one finally broke me. By the way, did you know I have homicidal tendencies towards dopey Brits who ask dopey questions?
What’s Mahut supposed to say?! This is another good reason why some folks shouldn’t ask athletes questions. In fact, this ranks as silly a question as the one asked of Doug Williams on Media Day prior to Super Bowl XXI:
Reporter – Have you always been a black quarterback?
Williams (what he should’ve said) – I don’t rightly know, sir. I’ve been black since birth, and been chuckin’ the rock since before high school. So I reckon the answer lies somewhere between 1960 and 1970. Does that answer your question?
Why do people ask such questions? Because they don’t think before opening their mouths! Think about it for a second, if you write down your question and read it to yourself as if it’s asked of you, and you feel odd answering it, chances are good you shouldn’t ask it.
This leads me back to the USA’s World Cup victory over Algeria. As much as I’m not really into soccer, I’m very happy for soccer fans as well as those playing for the USA team. I think the victory is great for the sport and America, but please stop treating this like the sporting equivalent of D-Day. I was listening to ESPN Radio New York (1050 AM) yesterday afternoon and was stupefied by Michael Kay’s show and the discussion of how yesterday’s win ranked against other great sports moments. People were comparing this win to the 1980 Olympic USA hockey team’s win over the Soviets and Brent Boone’s winning home run for the Yankees in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS. Give me a break. This win doesn’t rank anywhere with the greatest upsets in sports history and it sure as heck ranks as more meaningful than one of a multitude of trips to the World Series by the Yankees. Talk about the wackiest comparison of “apples to oranges.”
But what really ticked me off was caller after caller talking about how this win was a referendum for America as a nation, and Kay feeding off this. Feeling a little sense of national pride is one thing, but going on and on and on how a soccer match is some sort of symbol to remind us how the United States is the greatest country in the world, damned the rest of the folks who hate us. HELLO?! This is exactly why lots of other countries hate us! We get on talk radio shows and blather on and on about how we’re the best this or greatest that, and we forget there are plenty of other great nations and cities besides the USA and New York. Is it so terrible for us to accept the United States happens to be one of several pretty wonderful countries and New York happens to be one of several pretty wonderful cities? What Kay and his loyal callers consider national pride borders somewhat on jingoism and arrogance. Heck, the only thing missing was the Wagner music in the background!
In case you forgot, one of the key points from “The two Escobars” – Wednesday night’s ESPN documentary from their 30 for 30 series -- is that soccer players can get killed if their team loses in World Cup competition. My point is to enjoy the winning but keep things in perspective without getting carried away.
Moving along to other things I’m still trying to get my head around…
So, now Washington Redskins defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth is willing to report to training camp next month after staging his extended hissy fit and staying away from mini-camps? Gee, I’m touched. Hey, Fat Albert (I’ve always wanted to say that)… what’s the real reason why you’re making such a stink about playing in a 3-4 defense for head coach Mike Shanahan? Are you afraid your sack numbers will go down and hurt bids for the Pro Bowl? Perhaps lower sack numbers might hurt your position when you try to negotiate your next over-inflated contract? Perhaps you’re afraid Coach Shanahan will hold you more accountable than Jim Zorn did? Perhaps you’re afraid of taking on double teams since your famed head stomp move got punished a few years ago? Perhaps you’re just a big fat baby who’s happy collecting the paycheck without putting out on the field like you used to? It’s not like I’m among a small minority disgusted with you and your actions. Article after article’s been written about how selfish your teammates and other NFL peers feel about you. Heck, you were even called out a few months ago by Joe Namath on Twitter. If ol’ Joe is calling you a lazy freeloader after all the battering he took for 13 years as a quarterback, you know you’re lazy freeloader.
This brings me to Carolina Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith and his recently broken left arm, courtesy of playing flag football at his local YMCA. Do I have a problem with Smith playing flag football with some local guys? No, but I do have a problem with Smith playing flag football before training camp, especially when he’s returning from breaking his left arm and missing the last part of the 2009 season. Steve, what were you thinking, if at all? Steve, what is it about you and injuries? Not only have you demonstrated how fragile you are on the field, now we see you’re equally as fragile OFF the field. As much as you’re the Panthers’ best receiver, has it occurred to you that maybe you’re providing diminishing returns with each year you miss games for injuries, or punching a teammate’s lights out during training camp (Ken Lucas, broken nose and cheekbone, 2006)?
Am I crazy, or is it possible pitching perfect games isn’t necessarily such a good thing for pitchers? Have you noticed both Philadelphia’s Roy Halladay and Oakland’s Dallas Braden are recently on extended losing trends since their perfectos? I know a perfect game doesn’t get any better, but it’s a little surprising to see how much both have slid the past few weeks.
Has anyone looked at the MLB standings recently? Is anyone really that surprised the top three records all belong in the AL East with the Rays, Yankees, and Red Sox all breathing on each other’s neck? Think back to March, folks… weren’t most baseball experts predicting a three-horse race in what is arguably MLB’s best division? Oh, and I guess we now know the answer to the questions "are the Red Sox put together wrong?" and "Is Big Papi finished?"
Oh, and for those Yankee fans thinking this past weekend’s edition of the Subway Series reaffirms that the Yankees are indeed superior to the Mets, let me toss a little reality to you. First, the Yankees won 2 of 3 at their stadium just like the Mets did at Citi the month before. Only 10 of MLB’s 30 teams have a winning road record so far this season, so according to trend, the Yankees did what they were supposed to do and so did the Mets. The Mets may have recently fattened up on a 7-2 road trip by going 6-0 against Baltimore and Cleveland, but 10 of the Yankees’ 45 wins have come against the Orioles, so the Bronx Bombers certainly do their fair share of fattening up too.
Are the Yankees a better team than the Mets? Looking at the standings and team statistics, one could argue yes, but that’s what was expected before the season ever began. I think the question should be are the Mets playing as well as the Yankees, and the answer happens to be yes. The Yankees are 45-27. The Mets are 41-30. Both teams have almost identical home records; the Yankees play a little better on the road. But the Yankees recently struggled in Arizona despite winning 2 of 3. The fact is both teams are playing pretty good baseball right now, split the 6-game Subway Series this year, and are both in fun divisional races as summer begins. No matter who you root for, could you really ask for anything more heading into the last week of June?
Speaking of the Orioles, we’re now starting to see articles bringing attention to their woeful season record, reaching 50 losses before their 70th game. Three notable teams to achieve this dubious feat are the 1962 Mets, 1988 Orioles (they started 0-21), and 2003 Tigers. The ’88 Orioles finished 54-107. The ’03 Tigers finished 43-119.
But my Mets – True Blue since ’62 – started existence with a pathetic 40-120 record. Let me save all the experts, statisticians, and talking heads a lot of time and energy… no matter how bad the Orioles end up this season, NO ONE – repeat, NO ONE – will EVER, or could ever compare to those lovable bumbling Mets under the stewardship of Casey Stengel. The Orioles could lose 130 games and still never rank as the worst collection of players in MLB history. Why? Because the ’62 Mets were an expansion team of cast-offs, misfits, and any form of ragamuffin you could put on a lineup card. There was never an ounce of hope for that team and they never failed to put smiles on faces, giggles in hearts, and disbelief in shaking heads as they created new ways to lose, day after day, nights too.
Are the Orioles bad? Oh yes they are, but no matter how bad they may end up being in terms of losses, there’s no way their entry in the record book should EVER replace the ignominy of that very first Mets team. Take that, ELIAS!
I’m enjoying the success Washington Nationals phenomenon Stephen Strasburg’s having so far on the mound, but I also notice how reality is setting in and despite all his impressive stats, these aren’t necessarily translating to Nats wins. In four starts he now has a record on 2-1 with one no-decision. In his last two starts the Nats have hardly scored any runs. Just thought I’d mention this.
Lastly, let’s pause for a moment and think about the Florida Marlins firing manager Freddie Gonzalez two days ago. While the Marlins may be “struggling” or “underperforming”, I warned you all last month that this move could happen in the wake of Hanley Ramirez’s public hissy fit in response to Gonzalez benching him for lack of hustle. Ramirez openly questioned Gonzalez’s credibility as a manager, and no matter what Hall of Famers Tony Perez and Andre Dawson said to him as a means to set him straight, the damage was done and Gonzalez risked losing his players in a passive-aggressive revolt.
That being said, I also pointed out the last time this happened with the Marlins was 2003 when John Boles was also fired after players questioned his baseball pedigree and Jack McKeon took the helm. We all remember what happened next – the Marlins got hot and dangerous all the way to winning the World Series in six games over the Yankees. Now we hear Bobby Valentine took his name out of consideration for managing in Baltimore and now he’s at the top of the interview list in Miami. Call me crazy, but I do subscribe to Yogi Berra’s theory of déjà vu all over again, and if Bobby V takes his act to South Beach, don’t be shocked if the Marlins kick it into gear and race past the Braves, Mets, and Phillies.
Oh, and if Bobby V does take over in South Beach and the Marlins do win the NL East, there may not be a cap big enough for his head.
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